Ego is the enemy — Review
Ego: enemy or necessity?
In this review I will talk about the personal experience I had with the book “Ego is the enemy” by Ryan Holiday. It was published in 2016 and it is not about the experience of the author himself, but more like a compendium of different stories of human history where ego takes the wheel of someone’s life and utterly destroys not only itself, but potentially others too. This book is divided in three sections, and each one comes with histories of various “successful” persons and how they can relate to us in a more individualistic way. The author isn’t here to talk about his personal story and defend why he thinks ego is the worst enemy a human can have. Instead, he tries to explain and let you see how ego has been affecting lives since humans existed, and If you want to do so, how to avoid being consumed by it. And I think he did it in a phenomenal way.
The first section of this book is titled “Aspire”. In it, Ryan explains that our cultural value makes it as we become dependent on validation, and as a result we let emotions rule our life. He starts deconstructing this concept in different stories. In them, you can see how different persons through history had succumbed to the power of ego, and if they could get a hold of it or not. One of these examples is the story about Emily Gould. When having writer’s block, she did everything but focus on her work. “It was easier to talk about writing, than to commit to the act itself”, Ryan wrote. But the moment she left all the distractions, all the validation and entitlement she thought she deserved, the writer’s block disappeared. Ego was blinding what she really wanted. I think we’ve all been guilty of this at one point or another, so reading examples of other people who went through these kinds of experiences helps a lot when trying to understand what you can do to change these habits. In this section he also talks about how important is to stay out of your head when you’re aspiring or working on something. I believed that ego equaled confidence, and having it would let you present yourself as a leader. For me, ego was necessary to some extent. This book argues that in fact it’s the opposite:
“Living clearly and presently takes courage”
When reading this I felt uncomfortable, but not because I think it’s wrong; I just didn’t want to recognize it. Why? Because of my ego. We’re so accustomed as humans to think we need validation to be happy, but now I think that’s not how it should be. The only validation you need is yours; live by your ideals and focus on your work. Ego can be a dangerous self-destruct mechanism in our lives. We like to cover up the truth with our personalities, but what really makes a person shine it’s when they’re in the presence of shortcomings; when they let them be humbled by them and learn where they are really talented and where they need to improve.
The next section, titled “Success” talks about the relation between success and ego. When we achieve success, ego begins to grow and starts to be more present in our minds, letting us forget what got us there in the first place. A clear example of this is talked in the beginning of this section. The story of Howard Hugues Jr., heir to the full company of his father, despite his reputation, he was one of the worst businessmen of the twentieth century. Even with all the resources at hand, he let himself be fueled by ego and success, and led him into a dark place where he destroyed everything his father created. Ego lets us assume we know everything and that we deserve everything, but as Ryan mentioned:
“We must understand that we are a small part of an interconnected universe”
As a physicist, this is something I always think when I start feeling like the biggest person in the world. Indulging in this kind of behavior only leads to eventual failure and being a worst person in general. That’s why this part of this book really resonated with me. One of the biggest points made in this section is to not tell yourself a story. “Writing our narrative leads to ignorance”. I used to tell myself stories on how everything will be better, on how at some point in time, I will get what I deserve. That entitlement, that feeling of “I deserve this because …”; that’s when ego takes control and you lose sight of what you really want. The world doesn’t revolve around you, me, or someone else. We’re all just a little spot on Earth, and even a littler spot in the universe. Taking this into account can let us see the bigger picture and see what’s really important to us. Ego can’t control us anymore, and this is clearly explained in this section.
Now, the final part of this book hurt me a little bit. It was a part of me I didn’t really consider, and when reading this section, it made me understand a lot about me and how fragile my ego is. This last section is titled “Failure”.
“If success is ego intoxication, then failure is a devastating ego blow”
For me failure was always seen as a bad thing. Something you always want to avoid because “What will people think of me if they see I’m not good enough?”. This fragility of my self-image is constantly under threat. Why? Because everyone fails. No one is perfect. Changing perspective on what failure is, is vital to understand if your ego gets the best of you. In this section Ryan gives us a clear example of it: the case of Belisarius, one of the greatest yet unknown military generals in all of history. He won a lot of battles and he even recaptured and defended Rome for the first time. What did he get? Placed under suspicion by the emperor he just served, Justinian. But he didn’t complain not in private or public, not once. He knew he did well and accomplished his goals, that was enough for him. Even when we do everything right, failure can come, and depending on what motivates us, these events can crush us. No matter how much you want to avoid it, you will fail. Ego wants full appreciation, but doing the right thing is enough. I didn’t want to recognize this. I know I’m not perfect, but failure was unacceptable to me. Reading this book changed my perspective on it. When failure presents itself, of course it would feel much better to be angry, depressed, or anxious about it. It’s easier and ego facilitates it. But just as the author mentioned, this is shortsighted. The ability to examine ourselves can help us know where we failed and why, but if we let ego take the wheel and not accept defeat, it can lead us to the same exact patterns that made us fail from the beginning. That’s why the effort is enough. Any rewards are extra. These are such powerful words and really made me feel like I was finally acknowledging something about myself I didn’t want to face. This book let me learn something about failure I never considered before. Yes, it sucks, but it’s an opportunity to learn and grow too, and ego is the worst enemy in that scenario, so you need to get a hold on it.
“Ego is the enemy” is a book for the brave. If you start reading this book expecting it to solve all your problems, you won’t get that. To really appreciate this book and its contents you need to be prepared to face your ego face to face and start an internal fight with yourself about what is really important to you. Ryan makes that clear from the start, and now I see why. At first, I was hesitant to read this book because I thought it was just another self-help book. Now thinking back to it, my ego was probably the one who said that. “We don’t need this; we don’t have these problems”. I do. We all do. And it takes a strong person to admit it. Because of this book my perspective of failure changed completely, and I feel more secure and focused on myself and my work now more than ever. I fully recommend this book even if you think you don’t need it, because even if you think so, you probably do. Humility is one of the better traits a person can have, but ego is something that we all have, some more than others. This book helps understand it better and just exactly what part ego plays in our lives. That’s why I think it’s a great reading for everyone.